Xcentric Facts – Defy the Ordinary

Okay so… so… hiccup—listen. The FDA—Food… Drink… uh, Fun Department of America?—they’re like “don’t drink the Celsius Astro Vibe Blue Razz because, whoopsie-daisy, somebody filled it with vodka instead of rocket juice.”

And I’m sittin’ here like… why would you ruin Christmas like that, FDA?

So apparently High Moon—High Noon? Noon, Moon, same thing—got a bunch of Celsius cans by mistake and just… poured vodka in ‘em. Like it’s some kinda patriotic science experiment. And now there’s a recall. A recall! What is this? Prohibition???

Anyway… they’re saying “check your lot codes” but lot codes sound like robot lottery tickets and I’m not doing math right now. I flipped my can over to look for ‘em, but then I just… drank it instead. Problem solved.

The states affected are… hang on—Florida, New York, Ohio, South Carolin—Carolinina?—Virginia, and Wisconsin. Basically, if you’re in one of those states… congratulations, you live in the fun zone.

Now… seriously… have you guys ever just… looked at a Celsius can? Like, really looked at it? Blue Razz. Sparkly. It’s basically an edible rave. I had two… maybe three… no, wait—there’s an empty box, so… seven. And I can taste colors.

Anyway. FDA says “dispose of the cans.” Yeah, okay, buddy. “Dispose” them… straight into my face.

Oh—OH—and can we talk about how good these things are? And okay, I’m supposed to tell you not to drink it, but here’s the thing: Celsius—regular Celsius—already feels like you’re mainlining rocket fuel straight to your soul. You toss vodka in there, and suddenly and suddenly I’m outside a Wendy’s at 3 a.m. challenging the drive-thru worker to a duel.

…What was I saying?

Oh yeah. FDA says don’t drink ‘em. So be safe. Or reckless. I dunno. I love you guys.

Blue Razz forever.