Xcentric Facts – Defy the Ordinary

LOS ANGELES, CA – July 25, 2025 — Sharon Osbourne was arrested late Tuesday at LAX after returning from Switzerland, where, according to authorities, she didn’t just help Ozzy Osbourne board a flight — she helped him board the flight. To the afterlife.

The 71-year-old reality-TV matriarch, author, manager, and now suspected criminal mastermind is being charged under U.S. federal statutes for assisting the suicide of a U.S. citizen abroad — namely, her own husband, the heavy metal icon who once snorted ants and bit the head off a bat but apparently drew the line at enduring late-stage Parkinson’s in peace.

News broke just weeks after Ozzy’s final performance on July 5 in Birmingham, England — a farewell concert that, in hindsight, felt less like a celebration and more like a dress rehearsal for the hereafter. The rock legend was reportedly tied to a chair onstage to prevent an unscripted tumble into the front row. Fans called it a “touching tribute.” The FBI calls it “premeditation.”

Sharon, never one to mince words or back down from controversy, essentially confessed to the whole thing — 18 years ago.

In a 2007 interview with The Mirror, she laid out the plan in black-and-white:

“Ozzy and I have absolutely come to the same decision. We believe 100 percent in euthanasia, so have drawn up plans to go to the assisted suicide flat in Switzerland if we ever have an illness that affects our brains. If Ozzy or I ever got Alzheimer’s, that’s it – we’d be off.”

Well, Parkinson’s may not be Alzheimer’s, but apparently “off” they went anyway.

According to legal experts (and anyone who’s ever skimmed a Wikipedia page on federal law), the United States does not condone assisted suicide — even if it’s done overseas, with the efficiency of a Swiss train schedule and the consent of the rock star in question. American citizens can still be prosecuted under U.S. law for activities considered criminal at home, no matter how glamorously they die abroad.

“You can’t just kill your spouse and call it a wellness retreat,” said one FBI spokesperson who asked to remain anonymous, but admitted to having downloaded Crazy Train in high school.

Sources close to the family say Ozzy had been struggling in recent years, with increasing complications from Parkinson’s disease. His farewell concert was a feat of strength, symbolism, and Velcro — the latter used to strap him upright during the encore.

“He wanted to go out with dignity,” Sharon is said to have told investigators. “And preferably not in a nursing home that plays Coldplay on repeat.”

Reaction online has been predictably chaotic. Fans are torn between mourning Ozzy’s epic exit and celebrating Sharon’s audacity. One user on X (formerly Twitter) posted: “#FreeSharon — she gave Ozzy a Viking funeral but with more insurance paperwork.”

Conservative commentators, on the other hand, are furious. “First they’re biting bats, next they’re bypassing God’s plan with a Swiss death flat. What happened to family values?”

Meanwhile, Dignitas — the Swiss organization specializing in assisted suicide — released a neutral-toned statement, clarifying that “all procedures followed legal and ethical guidelines,” and politely asking American media to stop referring to their clinic as “the death Airbnb.”

As for Sharon, she remains in federal custody, reportedly demanding a glam squad, her favorite eyeliner, and one final call — not to her lawyer, but to Piers Morgan.

No word yet on funeral arrangements for Ozzy, but insiders say Sharon already has the guest list, playlist, and casket upholstery picked out. Expect leather. Maybe even sequins.

One thing’s for sure: this wasn’t your average retirement.

It was a farewell tour, alright. Just… with customs paperwork.